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[18 Dec 2008|01:08am] |
my love, my boo, my habibi <3
it seems as if im making the same mistake I had made before.
I'm investing too much into you.
too many feelings
too much trust
too much time
too much ...love?
I think i truly do love you. Things are unusually natural with you. I feel so comfortable with you. Youre the only person Ive ever met that ahd ever made me feel this way.
You intimidate me. Something no one can do. Youre unpredictable. I never know what to expect, how youre feeling, how you will react/
I think thats why im so infatuated with you.
I fucking adore you.
You sent me the most adorable text message last night. Smething as small as saying "I just want to say goodnight" just... I dont know how to explain it. t makes me feel better than ever before. To know that Im the last thing you think of before you go to bed.
I never thought wed be like this again. And I am so thankful. I feel like I need to repay whoever made this possible. This is the greatest gift of my life.
Knowing that you missed me as much as I missed you.
I can't explain any of it.
You are all that I think about.
I pray, I hope, and I almost have a feeling that we will be together for a very very long time.
And if that were to happen, I will be happy. I ill be content.
Because I know the rest of my life will be full of surprises, fun, laughter, passion, love, spontaneity, and happiness.
You make me so god damned happy. And thats what scares me. You have the ability to completely destroy my world.
And thats how I know I love you. Because I take the risk anyways.
When I look at you, I get this feeling that is incomparable to anything I've felt before.
Somehow I feel safe when i look into your eyes. Like every single thing is right in the world, just because youre next to me.
I feel content, at ease, and like I can actually see myself looking at you that way for the rest of my life.
And that scares the shit out of me.
I would be fully willing to spend my life with you.
And I've never been able to say that with honesty.
You may not know it, but the fact that you came to me after your court date made me so happy.
I was the first person you told. Before your own mother. And you told me the only thing that would mak your day better was spending it with me.
Its the way you look at me too. I love it.
Even when I know youre being an ass or your wrong or stupid.... I look past it.
In my eyes, you do no wrong.
Is that love?
God damnit Faris. Look what you've done to me again.
Nothing about you is typical
Nothing about you is predictable
You’ve got me all twisted and confused
(It’s all new)
Up til now, I thought I knew love
Nothing to lose and its damaged cause
Patterns will fall as quick as I do, but now
Bridges are burning
Baby I’m learning, a new way of thinking now
Love I can see, nothing will be, just like it was
Is that because?
Baby you’re so unusual
Didn’t anyone tell you, you’re supposed to, break my heart?
I expect you to, so why haven’t you?
Maybe you’re not even human cause
Only an angel can be so unusual
Sweet surprise, I could get used to
Unusual You
Been so many things when i was someone else
Boxer in the ring trying to defend myself
In the private eye to see what's going on
(That's long gone)
When I'm with you, i can just be myself
You're always where you say you will be
Shocking cause i never knew love like this could exist
Tables are turning
My heart is soaring, You'll never let me down
Answer my call, here after all
Never met anyone like you
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P0S7
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[12 Nov 2008|04:05pm] |
Its been 4 months and nothing is better.
I'm even dating another guy and I still have dreams about you.
I'm in a chem lecture and instead of paying attention to cyclic and aromatic compounds, I'm thinking about you.
I'm constantly thinking about you.
I'm afraid ill never get over you.
I'm sorry were both so stubborn. Because if it weren't for that, wed probably be together right now.
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P0S7
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[17 Jul 2008|02:52pm] |
How did this all get so fucked up so fast?
I still hurt just as much as I did last Tuesday.
Nothing has made me feel better.
Time isn't helping me heal at all. In fact I'm getting worse. Instead of liking you less, I like you more.
Instead of falling out of love with you I fall so much more in love with you. I love you so much its ridiculous. So much that I feel fucking stupid for putting up with any of this. If we never get back together, I don;t know what I'll do. It all just felt so right.
I wasn't ready to let you go. I was so far away from being able to do that. I still cant let you go. I've never needed someone as much as I need you.
I've realized that I really do love you.
and it scares me.
I've realized that I never loved anyone else before you. Not even the person I was with for 4 years.
I still cry over you. What the hell?
As hard as a try, I cannot get over you. And that scares me, because what if I never do?
Last night you told me you loved me. For the first time. You said you loved me, everything about me, my personality, I'm perfect. We wouldve never broken up if you didnt think you were going to move. You didnt want to make me sit there and wait on you.
But I would've.
And if all that is true....
then why aren't we together?
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P0S7
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[06 Jul 2008|02:34am] |
im too stoned
fuck this. im over it.
the rest is up to you.
THE END
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P0S7
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| Grounded: Day Six |
[28 Jun 2008|12:50am] |
I dont get you.
You act like you care so much when I hear from you.
But hearing from you is rare these days.
I guess well see where we stand once we hang out again.
So, once again, as usual, I wait.
I hate you and absolutely love you at the same time.
So fuck you, I love you.
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P0S7
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| Grounded: Day Three |
[24 Jun 2008|12:17pm] |
ok at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do
yeah they were all yellow
I came along
I wrote a song for you
and all the things you do
and it was called yellow
So then I took my turn
oh wh at a thing to have done
and it was all yellow
your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
and you know
you know I love you so
you know I love you so
I swam across
I jumped across for you
oh what a thing to do
'cos you were all yellow
I drew a line
I drew a line for you
oh what a thing to do
and it was all yellow
and your skin
oh yeah your skin and bones
turn into something beautiful
and you know
for you I bleed myself dry
for you I bleed myself dry
it's true
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine
look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and all the things that you do
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P0S7
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| Grounded: Day Two |
[24 Jun 2008|12:28am] |
I feel like shit.
I almost had an entire year of total happiness and now its all fucking gone.
every single bit of it.
I lost the person who means the most to me and i feel like its all my fault.
fuck.
i hurt all over. Maybe this will help.
Faris Ahmed Mustafa,
I love you. I fucking love you. I know I never told you that until we broke up. But I do, and Im so sorry I never told you.
I swear Ill do anything.
I trust you now. I cant help but find that kind of funny, because its kind of too late now.
You told me were getting back together, but you just have to have time to get over being so jealous all the time.
Shit Ill do anything to help you get over that. Ill never get drunk again. Ill never hang out with guys again. But that shit doesn't matter, because when Im with other guys, all I think about is you. EVen when Im not around guys I think about you. I fucking think about you all the time. From the second I wake up until the very last breath I take before I fall asleep. Even when I fucking sleep your in my dreams. Im crazy about you. I love everything about it. Your accent, your laugh, your annoying snoring problem, the way you walk, that chip on your front left tooth,the way you chew on shit all the time, how you cant be trusted with a lighter because you always set something on fire or blow something up, or knives. I love how lazy you are. I love how fun you are. I love how you always get yourself into trouble but ALWAYS get out of it. I love how much fun we have together. I love how you play nerdy video games. and your nerdy dragon movies. I love when you make fun of me. I love when you tickle me. I love how you make me say cookie because the way i say it makes you laugh. I love how you like being little spoon. i love your kisses. I love you. I love how you always drink my water or whatever without asking. I love your back massages.I love when you speak arabic, its cute. I love how devoted you are to your family. I love seeing you mad, its fucking sexy. I love how Im just now realizing how much I really love you. every single thing about you. I need to tell you all of this.
Im so sorry for picking stupid fights. For being so jealous. For trying to change you. For expecting so much out of you instead of just letting you do you.
I just miss you so much.
so fucking much.
remember when we met? Probably not. =] but i do. it was the first time id ever been to the hookah bar. i walked in the room and camerons dumb awkward ass was all over me. I noticed you right away. You were so busy but you stopped and asked cam if we were together. we both said no and you said "come to a party with me tonight. theyll be lots of cute guys." then you pointed at yourself "really cute guys".
and then later that night the creepy arab guys were hitting on me and one asked 'whos girl is that?" and you smiled and said "thats my girl. or at least she will be".
and a couple days later you got my number by asking me to send my background picture of lil wayne to your phone. Then you texted me on Christmas Eve. And weve never stopped talking since.
You invited me to a party for New Years Eve, (your favorite night!) and when I got there you were fucking trashed and just got done fighting ten guys at once. And you jumped over the railing of the front porch. You had the biggest smile and said "Im so fucking happy your here. none of these people matter. your the only person i want to see tonight." and you gave me the biggest kiss. then you totally ruined it and said "were totally fucking tonight".
and the whole night you were just happy. I love seeing you that happy. Then you asked if we could take a case of beer to my car. and of course i said yes. And we ended up sitting in my car for like an hour. and you said you loved me. and then you said "that was a total accident. ive never done that to a girl before". we went back to the party after you admitted that you didnt have to take the beer to the car at all, it was just an excuse.
we got back just in time for midnight.
we went inside. there were people everywhere. there was barely any room to move. and it hit midnight and we got sprayed with champagne and you kissed me.
looking back it all just seems so perfect.
Your perfect for me.
I love you.
I just want everything to be ok.
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P0S7
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[29 Apr 2006|11:35pm] |
There aint no party like an Anatomy of a Murder party.
(plus me ty meghan logan and april)
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P0S7
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[20 Apr 2006|11:41pm] |
Italy was sweet as hell.
I love the people there
and the city itself,
the food
how old and literally ancient everything is
and how much fun i had.
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P0S7
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[12 Apr 2006|09:43pm] |
Damnnnn I hate ebing grounded.
1st night of Spring Break and im bussteddddd. I was having sooo much fun too. I seriously love everyone I was hanging out with. Im really happy with this group of friends.... good thing me and Meghan are the only girls haha.
But anywho. So I got nsuted and now Im at home for the night and I leave for Italy on Friday... then Im gone for a week.
And Tims band is playing with the Decemberists on Monday and I would get to meet them and hang out with them if only I weremnt on the other side of the world. damnnnn ittttt.
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P0S7
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[17 Sep 2005|12:39pm] |
So Scarlet and Gray ended up being a lot of fun.
We ran across the street to get Ryan a haircut, watched some of the show...stood outside and met weird people...the usual.
Aterwards me, Steph, heather, and Ty just drove around aimlessly. We ended up at starbucks though.
By the way...i now have my license. yay.
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[07 Sep 2005|06:47pm] |
So Im going to be in an indie movie with Alexis Blidel (Sin City) and the girl who played Alex Mac on nickelodon (Alex Mac is the girl who turned into the silver liquid because she had chemicals dumped on her)...and this movie is going to be submitted to sundance. All thanks to my brothers fiance, who is a casting director and is about to land a job in LA.
Uhmm....thats pretty effing cool if you were to ask me.
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1 CMNT  P0S7
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[20 Aug 2005|11:10pm] |
So golf pretty much killed me.
I have no energy what so ever.
After golfing we went to go see march of the Penguins.
CUTEST MOVIE EVER. Except I almost cried when some of the died :(
....I rhyme.
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1 CMNT P0S7
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[10 Aug 2005|10:47pm] |
So.
Indiana was possibly the best time Ive ever had in my life.
It made me never want to come home.
I redid my "journal" completely...hopefully it might make me post more.
Hey, my birthday is in a month and 3 days. *wink*
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1 CMNT P0S7
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[26 Jun 2005|11:33pm] |
New layout.
Not done with it yet but anywho... the background is a graphic from threadless.
(threadless.com)
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1 CMNT P0S7
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[27 Jul 2004|03:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hyper |
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music |
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Cassie and Grace!!!! |
] |
Maureen Plank = a sucktacular poseur.
Heh, sorry. Im at Easton and Im in the iMac store with Cassie and Grace... who kick a hell of a lot of ass. And I just happened to come across Maureen In her little Something Corporate shirt in Hot Topic while I was talking to Amy about Underoath. (Which I just bought their shirt... and Im currently wearing it.. even though I just bought it 10 minutes ago) Why do I dislike this girl so much? Well my friends, I suppose youll never know, because itd seriously take me about 30 hours to explain it. So too bad.
Damn, this computer is so fucking cool. I want one. Too bad its worth more than me.
Ty leaves tomorrow and I dont even get to hang out with him today... Im gonna cry. I love you tyrone.
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P0S7
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[26 Jul 2004|01:19pm] |
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The only thing I have to say about last night is "Is That a fucking Car?", "shut up" and "Were stuck in a mother fucking river"
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4 CMNT P0S7
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[25 Jul 2004|04:06pm] |
Last night went to stoneridge.. then Easton with Ty Chuck Drew and Meghan.
Then meghan left to babysit, so we all came back to my house and had an intense conversation. They left, then Ty stayed the rest of the night.
Possibly hanging out with Tracee Sammy Lauren and Meghan tonight?
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3 CMNT P0S7
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dontxlookxdown's journal
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